One Simple Rule For Helping Others

Whether it’s parenting, mentoring, coaching, being a friend, working with colleagues, managing employees, or running a business, many times not a moment passes where we aren’t being asked for help or advice.

It may be advice concerning a course of action or an actual favor for a relative or friend, but in whatever form it happens there is a very simple rule for making it work.

Help someone insofar as their commitment to themselves is greater than your commitment to them. The second your commitment to that person becomes greater than that person’s commitment to him or herself, you are waging a losing battle.

We’ve all been there: You spend your time and energy helping someone who asked for your help; they let you do most, if not all the heavy lifting; then flake out on you.

So, how do you figure out if someone’s commitment to themselves is greater than your commitment to them? Give them a list of tasks that you know will get them moving forward. Once they complete those tasks, give them all the help they want. They’ve proven themselves by taking action. The majority of people simply won’t take action.

Let me hear from you on this topic. Personal or professional experiences helping others, and the triumphs and tribulations that resulted. Those of you who read my articles know that I’m very candid and personal about many of my experiences, whether they be in life or business. So let me get you started by giving you an example of something that happened between my daughter, Emily, and myself.

Emily, who is just finishing up her junior year of high school, told me she was very interested in checking out East Carolina University. I asked her if she wanted to take a tour of the school, and, if so, I would set it up. She thought it was a great idea, so I called ECU and scheduled a tour during Emily’s spring break. Since ECU is a two hour drive from where we live, it meant I had to set aside a day for this tour.

Two days before the tour, Emily tells me her friend has invited her to join them at the beach for a couple of days and she didn’t want to go on the tour because, "She’s entitled to have fun too." If you have a teenager you can hear that whiny tone of voice in your head. I said, "Fine. But from now on don’t waste my time. If you’re interested in checking out a school, either do it yourself or find someone to help you, because I’m done. Oh, and by the way, YOU call ECU and tell them you won’t be showing up, although I don’t think you should tell them that you thought spending two days at the beach with your friend was more important than finding the right college. It wouldn’t look real good on an application." Top that one folks.